Everyone come see how good I look! ...looked.

Yes, come one come all! I just found a picture from several Halloweens ago when I was a sexy stewardess back when I didn't have my little tummy pooch. lol

Aren't most costumes like that? Sexy [fill in the blank]. Yes, I play into that. It's ok, though. I have Jenna Marble's approval:



Let's see if I can get back into sexy shape by this Halloween!

Boo.

~K

Budgeting: the story continues

It is now late May, and how close am I to my goal of $5000 saved by the end of the year? Not very close. I have just over $1000 in my savings account. So what happens if there's an emergency? What if my car craps out? I'm stuck.

At the suggestion of my friend, I signed up for Mint, which is a budgeting tool that connects to your bank account or credit card account to follow your spending habits. What have I learned? I spend too much on shopping and food. Yeah, big surprise. But one thing that my friend pointed out (after I tried to grab the check at lunch) is that I should stop paying for others all the time. Not that it's bad or that I can't treat others once in a while, but sometimes it becomes a habit. Sometimes it's ok to just pay my half.

As far as shopping goes, I don't know what to say. My wardrobe still doesn't fully please me. I wish that I could work with a stylist who could help me find the best pieces for me at decent prices to make me love everything in my closet. Unfortunately, Stacy London isn't my fairy godmother, so I just need to work on making do with what I have....which is not easy.

I have so many unknowns to save for, and now I have another thing to save for: Europe trip next year with my best friend. Wish me luck!

Broke in the 'burbs,

~K

Changes

Changes don't always happen immediately. Sometimes they're so subtle that we don't notice them until long after they've already taken place. One day you just realize with a start how different you are from what you used to be.

That's been happening with me. I don't know if I'm necessarily better or worse than I used to be, but I do see that I'm changed. In some ways I'm meeker than I ever was before, and yet in other ways I'm much more outgoing. There was a time when I told off a guy for asking me out via text (he immediately called me), but now it's the norm.

What things ought to be changed in my life, and which things should stay consistent? I really don't know.

Confused yet again,

~K

What makes me beautiful

For the past few days I've had a song stuck in my head. Not a bad one, so I'm not really complaining. It's "What Makes You Beautiful" by British boy band One Direction:



The song is sung to a girl who is obviously gorgeous but unable to see it in herself. Without sounding too smug regarding the first part, I can relate.

I was a late bloomer. Throughout middle school and highschool, I had it kinda rough in the looks department. My teeth were buck, so I had braces for 7 years. While the acne faded as I neared graduation, it still comes and goes for me. Not knowing how to put together a decent outfit didn't really help me, and being completely ignorant of how to deal with my thick, curly hair was the icing on the ugly cake. I was a mess. On top of all of this, I was so awkward. I didn't know how to talk to boys...or other girls for that matter. I managed to have some friends, but the majority of the time I felt like an outsider.

It was in college that I blossomed. I started playing around more with makeup. I bought a flat iron. I learned to work with my curls. I dressed myself in a modest yet cute fashion. And people noticed me! Suddenly boys wanted to talk to me. They wanted to sit at our dorm table and talk to ME! Some even asked me out.

It's amazing how things change. It's more amazing how they stay the same.

This past week my mom texted me to let me know that one of her friends who was the mom of one of my friends from middle school had commented on my looks. We had run into her very briefly while plant shopping, but she told my mom that she was stunned by my beauty. It was wonderful to hear, and others have said similar things to me.

...and yet, it's still difficult to think of myself like that. When I look in the mirror, I still see that metal-mouthed acne-faced girl with puffy, unruly hair in a bright yellow sweatshirt and wide-leg jeans. Yeah, there are moments when I see myself as pretty and even downright hot, but they are few and far between. Mostly I just see all the flaws and shortcomings.

If only I could see what they saw.

Blind to my reflection,

~K

So Open Minded

A while back, I was dating The Persian (or TP for short). We had met through an online dating site, and while messaging back and forth, he had told me how one of the characteristics that he seeks out is open-mindedness to others.

I sensed that he had met with quite a few people who did not think particularly well of Persians and Iran in general, and therefore treated him poorly.

He seemed like a great guy. He held doors open, he always made sure to pay for drinks or meals even if I offered, and he preferred to pick me up and drive places. He was a bit traditional in gender roles, but growing up with a stay-at-home mom, I was used to that and his stance was not extreme.

What did bother me, however, was after going on and on about how people should be open-minded, he decided to start saying how horrible Asian drivers were. This turned into a rant against Asians in general. I was a bit miffed, but perhaps he'd had first-hand experience with a large enough sampling of Asians to make this a fair statement? I let it slide.

Then he brought up my faith. I had clearly stated on my profile that I was a Christian. So of course normal polite conversation took a turn toward religion and how in the world could an intelligent girl like me truly believe all the stuff in the Bible?? Seriously.

Well, this guy must have sensed he was on a roll, because he did not stop there. We began by discussing different places we would love to visit one day. Toward the top of my list was Israel. He asked me why I would want to go there, given the violence. I countered that there will always be issues in the Middle East, so anytime is as good as any other. This is where it gets really good. He asked, rhetorically, why are they even fighting? Why didn't the Israelis just leave? Yeah. That happened.

So, to recap, the open-minded Persian doesn't like Asians, thinks Christians are stupid, and has decided that an entire country has no right to their land.

In case you were wondering, I'm not pining away for this one.

Closed-minded to stupidity,

~K

Tricky tricky!

I have been hit on before, and I feel like over time I have become less oblivious. However, I was recently taken off guard and, I feel, tricked.

I recently attended a Yelp Elite event. For those who aren't familiar with the terminology, a Yelp Elite is one who posts a lot of reviews, is active on forums, etc.

I didn't know the majority of the people that were attending, but after discussing dressing up on the forums, I arrived in a super cute outfit ready for a fun-filled day.

We had all been given name tags, and were mingling in the lobby of a hotel after going on a tour. While standing around, I tried (for the zillionth time) to check in on Yelp. Stupid Verizon let everyone else check in, but not me! Grrr. After putting my phone away in defeat, I was approached by one of the young men in our group. He complimented me on my outfit (which, as previously stated, was super cute), and started chit chatting with me. The exchange was pleasant. He said blah blah blah, I said yada yada yada...until....

"So, is your boyfriend an Elite?"

"I don't have a boy-" Oh. Oh yes, he was clever indeed.

GRRRRRR,

~K

For Lent I've given up...

...well, it was going to be alcohol. Even though I'm a protestant rather than catholic, I like the idea of giving up one's vices in order to devote more time to working on a relationship with your creator and becoming the person that you were created to be.

So I gave up alcohol. I've never been a lush, but I do drink socially and last year it proved to be more difficult than I would have liked. So I figured that I would do it again.

According to Wikipedia (a truly credible source, I know) "The traditional purpose of Lent is the penitential preparation of the believer—through prayer, penance, repentance, almsgiving, and self-denial."

This goes to remind us of the 40 days that Jesus spent in the wilderness fasting, praying, and enduring temptation from Satan.

Giving up alcohol for me missed the mark. I was doing it more as a challenge to myself than for its true purpose. I've always enjoyed seeing if I'm capable of doing things, even if I am disappointed in the conclusion.

After recognizing my own agenda behind giving up alcohol, I've revoked the dry spell. I never want to say that I'm doing something for one reason but really doing it for another. To say, "look at what a good little Christian I am by giving up booze for God", I was in denial.

If I choose to give something up or set forth a challenge, I want to do so with very clear reasons and never say I'm going to do something for God when I'm completely focused on myself.

Still learning,

~K