The joys of being a CSR: part 2

So if you read my previous post on the topic, you know that one of my recent experiences with a certain customer was quite interesting. Well, I responded by letting him know UPS hadn't updated the information, and asked if he would like a reshipment or refund. This was his response.

"My Dear K,


What's up G?! Thanks for writing me back and thanks for doing it with such enthusiasm! I know you did not particularly ask for this assignment and for that I must apologize. However, now is a big opportunity for you to step up and make a difference not only in my life but the millions and millions of people affected by this situation. I know, it's a lot to take in... I'll give you a second to take a deep breath and let the gravity of the situation set in....


Good. Now that we are both on the same page it is time to discuss this issue of whether I ask for a refund or for a reshipment of my order. You can understand the position this puts me in. Part of me would like to receive a refund and spend my money elsewhere but there is still a desire for me to actually have the products I ordered. This reminds me of a childhood memory where I was faced with a very similar situation. You see K, when I was the ripe old age of 6 maybe 7, I was quite the backyard Wiffle Ball star of my neighborhood. I believe on this particular day it was Game 5 of our neighborhood World Series and I was glad to be in my backyard and have home field advantage. It was just before the 7th inning stretch and things were really starting to heat up, not only on the field but also in my Incredible Hulk underwear. What I didn't tell you was that I had a terrible addiction to chocolate milk back then and nothing got my poop reactor working overtime like drinking a tall glass of the hard stuff and then hustling around the bases in the warm August sun.


I remember it clearly. I was on deck with one out and it was at this time that I had to make a critical decision. I could either A, run over to the hedges by the back door, pop a squat and make it back just in time to hit the go ahead double into the gap OR I could go with option B and try to hold back the flood gates until the next inning but I would risk destroying my underwear and self esteem on a hard slide into 2nd base... After carefully weighing the pros and cons I went with option A. To this day I think I made the right call but what I failed to realize at the time was that my father had been standing in the kitchen window and witnessed the entire horrifying deuce dropping. He was not pleased. He laid into me so bad with his belt that not only was I unable to finish out the wiffle ball game but I was forever cursed with a fear of belts which now explains my elastic dress pants.


I guess what I'm trying to say K is that I'm afraid to make the wrong decision here. I think the best thing to do in this case would be for me to go with option A and B. I would like you to go ahead a process a reshipment of my order but I would also like a refund. And... if you would be a little lamb and throw in one of those alligator skin covers for my iPad I would be forever grateful. I'm glad we were able to work this out K, you're not only a good person.... you are now my friend.


Respectfully,
Stupid Customer"

Dude. Seriously? If he wanted to write a novel, send it to a publisher, not customer service. And no, we did not give him all his heart desired. He received a refund.

The best part of all this? His email address is the same one he uses on Facebook, meaning I could see what he looked like, know his wife's name, and now know where he works. Besides having his home phone number and address.

Wanna go psycho on me? Two can play that game! ...but I won't.

Just a girl doing her job,

~K