Stories of a CSR: Public education at its finest

As most of my loyal readers know, I work in customer service. From time to time, I see emails that make me laugh, make me angry (remember that I have your home address and phone number, people!), and make me just shake me head in despair. The following is an example of the latter:

"Are school department would like to order a xxxx case. The web price is 24.95 is that the price I can do a purchase order for? If so what would be the shipping and handling be?
 
Thanks,
Xxxxxxx
ABC School"

Sigh. This is why my parents chose to homeschool me.

Saddened by society,

~K

Stories of a CSR: Dogs are too common

So a while ago I had a separate blog for stories from my experience in customer service. While I deleted the blog due to inconsistency (not enough interesting stories at any given time), I have saved a few up and will be posting them from time to time.

At my work, one of our popular products is a capacitive stylus for touchscreen devices. One of our customers sent us the following email regarding the styluses:

"Do you sell extra rubber tips for any of the iPad styli? My pet raccoon loves chewing off the tips. I hide them but she can smell a stylus anywhere in my house. I have a dozen different pens with no ends...all sizes!

Thanks for your help!"   Yes, ladies and gentlmen. Her pet raccoon ate the tips! Unfortunately, there wasn't really much we could do, given the circumstances. Perhaps she could buy raccoon snacks so the fuzzy thief doesn't go after her styluses? Just a thought.   Happy with a normal pet,   ~K

The joys of being a CSR: part 2

So if you read my previous post on the topic, you know that one of my recent experiences with a certain customer was quite interesting. Well, I responded by letting him know UPS hadn't updated the information, and asked if he would like a reshipment or refund. This was his response.

"My Dear K,


What's up G?! Thanks for writing me back and thanks for doing it with such enthusiasm! I know you did not particularly ask for this assignment and for that I must apologize. However, now is a big opportunity for you to step up and make a difference not only in my life but the millions and millions of people affected by this situation. I know, it's a lot to take in... I'll give you a second to take a deep breath and let the gravity of the situation set in....


Good. Now that we are both on the same page it is time to discuss this issue of whether I ask for a refund or for a reshipment of my order. You can understand the position this puts me in. Part of me would like to receive a refund and spend my money elsewhere but there is still a desire for me to actually have the products I ordered. This reminds me of a childhood memory where I was faced with a very similar situation. You see K, when I was the ripe old age of 6 maybe 7, I was quite the backyard Wiffle Ball star of my neighborhood. I believe on this particular day it was Game 5 of our neighborhood World Series and I was glad to be in my backyard and have home field advantage. It was just before the 7th inning stretch and things were really starting to heat up, not only on the field but also in my Incredible Hulk underwear. What I didn't tell you was that I had a terrible addiction to chocolate milk back then and nothing got my poop reactor working overtime like drinking a tall glass of the hard stuff and then hustling around the bases in the warm August sun.


I remember it clearly. I was on deck with one out and it was at this time that I had to make a critical decision. I could either A, run over to the hedges by the back door, pop a squat and make it back just in time to hit the go ahead double into the gap OR I could go with option B and try to hold back the flood gates until the next inning but I would risk destroying my underwear and self esteem on a hard slide into 2nd base... After carefully weighing the pros and cons I went with option A. To this day I think I made the right call but what I failed to realize at the time was that my father had been standing in the kitchen window and witnessed the entire horrifying deuce dropping. He was not pleased. He laid into me so bad with his belt that not only was I unable to finish out the wiffle ball game but I was forever cursed with a fear of belts which now explains my elastic dress pants.


I guess what I'm trying to say K is that I'm afraid to make the wrong decision here. I think the best thing to do in this case would be for me to go with option A and B. I would like you to go ahead a process a reshipment of my order but I would also like a refund. And... if you would be a little lamb and throw in one of those alligator skin covers for my iPad I would be forever grateful. I'm glad we were able to work this out K, you're not only a good person.... you are now my friend.


Respectfully,
Stupid Customer"

Dude. Seriously? If he wanted to write a novel, send it to a publisher, not customer service. And no, we did not give him all his heart desired. He received a refund.

The best part of all this? His email address is the same one he uses on Facebook, meaning I could see what he looked like, know his wife's name, and now know where he works. Besides having his home phone number and address.

Wanna go psycho on me? Two can play that game! ...but I won't.

Just a girl doing her job,

~K

The joys of being a CSR

Going through some emails recently, I came across this gem:

"I swear to f***ing god you losers need to cancel my order and refund my money. You are absof***inglutely pathetic. I have contacted UPS several times and they say they have not received your package that your "supposedly shipped" on 10/21.

You do realize what you are doing is stealing money. I know it is only a $40 order but I am willing to spend $440 on a plane ticket to come physically assault you for being such a sh***y company."

Lovely, yes? The issue was that UPS had not updated the tracking information for this order. Thus, he assumed that the package had never been sent and decided to go on a rant and threaten bodily harm.

Besides being a rude and disgruntled customer, this man also makes a Sex & the City reference. Hmm.

Killing with kindness,

~K

An Interesting CS Moment

As I may have mentioned before, I work in customer service. The majority of my job is answering emails from customers. Today I was corresponding with a customer regarding the shipping time frame of his order, and letting him know that yes, his order would be able to be delivered to an APO address. Part of my sign-off is "Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns!"

After addressing his order issues, the customer replied saying, "Well I have one question...lol". Not sure what to make of this, I told him that I would be happy to address any other questions. Mere moments later, his email response went "Well...any chance that you're single? I know that this is coming out of left field, but I just had to ask."

Please keep in mind that I have never even spoken to this customer on the phone, and there is absolutely nothing flirtatious about order change emails. I kinda chalked it up to the APO issue; he's a lonely soldier currently stationed in Iraq (I checked the zip code).

I replied in the most professional manner possible; "Single, and ready to mingle, baby!"

Okay, that didn't actually happen. I responded by saying that it is against our policy to disclose personal information, and that if he had any order-related questions, to let me know.

TGIF.

~K

Here I am!

So this is just the basic introductory blog post. My name is...well, for here, it's Kiki. I'm a 20-something single gal living in the greater Seattle area. I work in customer service for an e-commerce company that sells accessories for cell phones, PDAs, etc. Here's a little get-to-know-Kiki information.

Every third Friday of the month, Trinity in Pioneer Square has "Bollywood Paparazzi" in the Blue Room. I am so very white, but I love it! People think that I have an obsession with all things Indian, but it isn't quite true. I love the music, I love the food, I love the movies, and yes, I occasionally find the men attractive. Not an obsession.

I personally believe Arrested Development to be the funniest show that has ever been on television. If you haven't seen it yet, get on it pronto!

Rude people annoy me. Of course, as a customer service rep, I deal with rude people all day. Sometimes I wonder who raised these people into the monsters that they are today? Is this the result of a failure of a mother? Was the father absent? Or is this horrible person that is swearing at me via email just messed up?

That is all for now, but I certainly hope to post more soon. Ta ta!

~Kiki