Yes, it is official, the newest Disney Princess is :::drum roll::: me!!
That's right, all of my beloved plebeians, I am now amongst a select few young women to ever hold this title. While some may enter a pageant only to have the title removed after a year, my title will remain for all my days.
To those unfortunate souls wondering why you are not a Disney Princess, I can only offer this as consolation:
I'm just better than you, and there's nothing you can ever do about it.
Sigh. Doesn't that feel better? Now you can get on with your life working at your grueling desk job getting sweaty, accumulating paper cuts, and not being admired as much as yours truly. It's alright, though. Some of us are princesses and others are peasants. We all have important roles to fill, my dears.
Your beloved princess,
P.S. Disney hasn't quite put out the memo yet, but they will. Eventually.