Perhaps there's a different name for it, but I'll call it the "New Boy - Old Boy Phenomenon" or NBOBP for short.
I'm sure for most females who have dated around a bit, they are familiar with the concept: As soon as you start dating or talking to a new guy, suddenly a guy you had dated previously contacts you in some way.
Is he aware of this new guy? Maybe not. Somehow, there's a little tiny chip built into heterosexual males (sorry, these are the only specimens that have been examined) to alert them when a female is connecting with a new male. Once triggered, they feel the obligation to text, call, email, or Facebook said female so that she is still aware of their existence.
It amazes me that I just wrote a post about how my ex's best friend unfriended me on Facebook, and early this morning he randomly decides to comment on my Facebook status. Was it due to the blog? Was it that little chip alerting him to the fact that I've been talking with some other guys?
Once again I found myself searching profiles, looking for keywords that indicated possibilities of that ever-evasive "connection". I signed up for two different sites, have spoken with a number of different men, and feel no closer to love.
Am I once again looking for love in the wrong places? I thought that this is where "young professionals" come to meet their match! Is mine out there? Or will I have to continued weeding through messages from 56-year-old men with creepy pick-up lines, prematurely balding players, occasional women (I don't roll that way, honey), and foreign men who think American women are easy? I sincerely hope not.
Yet that is what I often go through. I have gone out with a few different guys, and have corresponded with a few others. Sometimes they flake out before we ever meet, other times they flake out after.
Then there's a completely different issue: what if I don't find them physically attractive? I'm not saying I'm holding out for Hugh Jackman (unless of course, he's available!), but what happens if I see a picture and I just absolutely cannot imagine myself making out with him? To me, there has to be some level of physical attraction. It isn't everything, but it is something. If I don't find a guy attractive at all, he's getting deleted. I do this just as much for him as for myself. After all, what guy wants to be with a girl who doesn't want to make out with him, or feels like she's merely settling for him?
And there's that label...settling. I want to settle down meaning that I find someone, but I don't want to settle. And I don't want to really settle down. I want to find someone who will take on life with me. I want to have adventures together, even in the mundane. The phrase "settling down" has a trace of dullness to it. That isn't what I want.
What do I want, you ask? Everything: love, loyalty, adoration, etc. Truth be told, it seems like mission: impossible..without Tom Cruise.
Oh, those romantic comedies! They get you every time, don't they? I've noticed a trend in a lot of them. A fabulous girl has to make a choice between two guys. They're both sweet and care about her, but here are the major differences.
Alpha guy - Usually the guy she meets second in the storyline, he has a lot going for him. He's usually well-off financially, mature, handsome as can be, and over all a great catch.
Beta guy - Typically the first guy the girl meets. Beta will have some other-level connection with the heroine, such as neither can stand kalamata olives on their pizza or they both speak fluent Icelandic. This guy, however, doesn't really have as much going for him but he actually plays up this fact. "Do you really need a nice home with a white picket fence when you have my undying love? So what if I play WoW all night every night and live with my parents? Is that what love is truly about??"
For some reason, the girl always goes for Beta. In real life, the Beta is not the better guy. In real life, Alphas usually can offer just as much of a connection, but they can also keep up their own side of the bargain.
Another way to describe the differences: men vs. boys. All men start out as boys, but some boys grow up to become men. Others just stay overgrown boys their whole lives. And it's ok. Romantic comedies say so.
Happy February, dear ones! It has been quite chilly lately, though I've heard it's worse on the other side of the country. If you are over there and reading this, you certainly have my sympathy.
Once again (or still), I am completely single. B and I were never in a relationship, so I can't say that I was ever taken, but once we started dating I was less on the market. Today Koko and I were discussing ways to meet guys and discussing whether online dating is now necessary or if one can still meet a good guy through friends.
Well, meeting guys through friends isn't always that easy. My social circle has decreased since moving back to Washington, and of those that I see on a regular basis, male friends hardly make an appearance.
There's also the fact that I have tried dating friends of friends. Neither time worked out, though it had nothing to do with my friends. The Double J's were both looking for other things; one wanted me as a rebound and the other was wanting to get physical faster than was comfortable.
To the people who want me to just live up being single, I say this to you: I have been single for 25 years (minus 5 months). I've enjoyed it, certainly. It's been just swell and peachy but I do want to be with someone. And I want that to happen soon.
To all my dear readers, I say this: I will seek out love, not in desperation or envy. If it gets to that, I will stop looking. I will seek love purely because I want to love and be loved. Wish me luck!
When you feel that "click" with someone, that mutual attraction and butterflies begin to fill your stomach, you think that it's all sunshine and roses, right? Well, sometimes dating doesn't go like that. Sometimes along the journey you take a few wrong turns, get bad directions, and feel a few rocks in your shoe.
The last two guys I went out with were very different. The first guy came on to me pretty hard, and my goodness was he hot! This is not subjective, he was in fact so universally attractive that he was chosen for the local firemens' calendar. Unfortunately, things did not go well with him and his personality never really matched his looks.
Guy #2 was cute and sweet. We went out several times, and it definitely seemed like things were going somewhere. It has now been 4 days since I last heard from him.
So, back to my point: dating is hard! First semester of my sophomore year of college, I was in a difficult, while perhaps a bit enviable position. Two guys wanted to date me. I didn't really care to be in that sort of situation, and I floundered a bit before choosing. In the end, neither were the right one for me.
Dating situations and circumstances change along the way, but all in all I am still single. I go back and forth on what could be so horribly wrong with me that no one wants me. Am I truly unlovable?
I wish that I knew what I've been doing wrong or what I could possibly do differently. But then there is something to be said for the life experiences gained on this bumpy road of dating
We live in a world of fickle hearts. We grew up hearing about Prince Charming and happily ever afters, but we also grew up watching marriages crumble and sex selling in every medium out there. Where, in all of this, is love?
I am one of those walking contradictions; a cynical romantic. I've seen the ups and downs, I've seen people fall in love, and I've seen people fall out of love. It seems like the older generations knew something we didn't.
Despite her death over a quarter century ago, John Wooden still writes his wife Nell love letters. It reminds me of that sappiest of sappy movies, The Notebook.
In all of disillusionment and wariness, I sincerely hope that I may one day experience this kind of love.
P.S. Thanks, Christina, for posting this on your facebook!
