Conversation about dating

me: I may have just discovered a million-dollar idea
There aren't any dating sites for Scandinavia boys who want american women

friend: Lol

me: Whatever. I want a Scandinavian hubby
who looks like a viking

friend: Haha I say go for it

me: How????

friend: Lol find a techy guy

me: They're indian
Been there done that

Ok, gotta find an Alexander Skarsgard lookalike!



Single in Seattle,

~K

Never thought I'd see the day

Text conversation I had with a friend:

me: So...X is married. In other news, pigs have grown wings and hell is getting a bit chilly

friend: Wow. What is his wife like? He is such a creepy guy...see, there is someone for everyone...truth revealed

me: She looked pretty enough, but probably weird.

friend: Wow so she is pretty?!

me: Not super pretty
Just kinda pretty

friend: Now even X is having sex regularly...life is just not fair

me: No kidding
Oh well, she's stuck having sex with X. Poor girl!!
I wouldn't want to have sex with that creepy gorilla

Moral of the story: just because everyone around you seems to be coupling off doesn't mean that you should be jealous.

Sassy and single,

~K

How to hit on a guy

In an effort to empower young women everywhere, I created a tutorial/self-help video on how to hit on a guy. I knew that there was a need, as there wasn't already a video with that exact name anywhere on youtube. You're welcome, world.

Changes

Changes don't always happen immediately. Sometimes they're so subtle that we don't notice them until long after they've already taken place. One day you just realize with a start how different you are from what you used to be.

That's been happening with me. I don't know if I'm necessarily better or worse than I used to be, but I do see that I'm changed. In some ways I'm meeker than I ever was before, and yet in other ways I'm much more outgoing. There was a time when I told off a guy for asking me out via text (he immediately called me), but now it's the norm.

What things ought to be changed in my life, and which things should stay consistent? I really don't know.

Confused yet again,

~K

A conversation about dating

Koko: We need to plan dinner next week

me: Oooh, yes! And maybe you can give me dating advice since whatever I'm doing doesn't work

Koko: What? What happened with the Persian?

me: Good question. I'm assuming he got run over by a bus and therefore is physically unable to text or call me

Koko: Hahahahaha

me: Yeah, I prefer to assume the worst in that sort of situation

The New Boy - Old Boy Phenomenon

Perhaps there's a different name for it, but I'll call it the "New Boy - Old Boy Phenomenon" or NBOBP for short.

I'm sure for most females who have dated around a bit, they are familiar with the concept: As soon as you start dating or talking to a new guy, suddenly a guy you had dated previously contacts you in some way.

Is he aware of this new guy? Maybe not. Somehow, there's a little tiny chip built into heterosexual males (sorry, these are the only specimens that have been examined) to alert them when a female is connecting with a new male. Once triggered, they feel the obligation to text, call, email, or Facebook said female so that she is still aware of their existence.

It amazes me that I just wrote a post about how my ex's best friend unfriended me on Facebook, and early this morning he randomly decides to comment on my Facebook status. Was it due to the blog? Was it that little chip alerting him to the fact that I've been talking with some other guys?

It will perhaps remain an unsolved mystery.

The next guy's pre-ex girlfriend,

~K

Facebook Friend Etiquette: Friends of your ex

So a few moments ago, I was playing around on Facebook. I had noticed that my friend number had gone down by 1 or 2, but that happens on occasion. Then I went to type in my friend Liz's name to post something on her wall. That's when I realized...there was another Liz that was suddenly not showing up in the list of options.

I actually typed in her full name, and none of those smiling faces belonged to the girl I was looking for. To further check what happened, I went to my ex's profile (yes, we're still FB friends). There she was.

My ex's best friend un-friended me. Such drama! Such scorn! Such...well, I guess we don't really talk or anything, so I guess it doesn't matter.

So for those of you who have experienced this, what do you do with all of those "friends" that you've made through your now-ex after the breakup? Do you just leave them there? Do you remove them? Do you ::gasp:: block them? I've just kinda left them all there, not really thinking much of it.

Is it sad that you've lost one of your pseudo-friends?



I guess. But at least no real friends were compromised.

Your friend,

~K

Dating in the Technological Age

Once again I found myself searching profiles, looking for keywords that indicated possibilities of that ever-evasive "connection". I signed up for two different sites, have spoken with a number of different men, and feel no closer to love.

Am I once again looking for love in the wrong places? I thought that this is where "young professionals" come to meet their match! Is mine out there? Or will I have to continued weeding through messages from 56-year-old men with creepy pick-up lines, prematurely balding players, occasional women (I don't roll that way, honey), and foreign men who think American women are easy? I sincerely hope not.

Yet that is what I often go through. I have gone out with a few different guys, and have corresponded with a few others. Sometimes they flake out before we ever meet, other times they flake out after.

Then there's a completely different issue: what if I don't find them physically attractive? I'm not saying I'm holding out for Hugh Jackman (unless of course, he's available!), but what happens if I see a picture and I just absolutely cannot imagine myself making out with him? To me, there has to be some level of physical attraction. It isn't everything, but it is something. If I don't find a guy attractive at all, he's getting deleted. I do this just as much for him as for myself. After all, what guy wants to be with a girl who doesn't want to make out with him, or feels like she's merely settling for him?

And there's that label...settling. I want to settle down meaning that I find someone, but I don't want to settle. And I don't want to really settle down. I want to find someone who will take on life with me. I want to have adventures together, even in the mundane. The phrase "settling down" has a trace of dullness to it. That isn't what I want.

What do I want, you ask? Everything: love, loyalty, adoration, etc. Truth be told, it seems like mission: impossible..without Tom Cruise.

Still single, still yours,

~K

Oh honey, don't even start with me, PT 2

To follow up with my post from yesterday, last night I got on that dating site to show my friend Dick's message and my response. Well, what do you know? He replied, despite the fact that I told him not to:

"Honestly, I don't remember you. I saw a new profile and thought to strike up a conversation with a girl who claimed to be a Christian. I can see that I was mistaken on both points. In the future, stop claiming to be something you have no desire to be."

Yes, he obviously has the ability to judge my soul. Oh wait, that's God.

As my readers know, I am not one to take such things lightly. So what was my response this time?

Silence. Oh, and reporting him to the site. He has since been removed.

All's well that ends well, friends!

~K

Oh honey, don't even start with me

So I recently signed up on a couple online dating sites. I've been weeding out the creepos and trying to stay positive, but my goodness, it's hard with some of these guys!

One guy messaged me, who we will call Dick. I recognized him as a guy that I had actually gone out with once a few years ago. That date was horrible. We didn't have a conversation, he gave a monologue...about things that you don't really discuss on a first date. He went off on a political rant, then talked about how messed up the Christian church has become. I basically smiled and nodded until I could safely leave.

So when Dick messaged me, I deleted the message. Evidently, that ruffled his feathers, as he sent me the following message:

"I know it can be tempting to simply ignore people; but as Christians, we owe one another better than that.
Whether it leads to conversation or not is an entirely different matter; however, our first obligation is to treat one another with the love of Christ.
I don't claim to have written the most engaging first message. Regardless, it was genuine and it was an appropriate place to open a conversation."

So he's using my faith to guilt-trip me into talking to him, when my desire was to be polite enough to keep my silence. Well, if he's gonna push me to talk, I'm gonna talk. This was my response:

"Evidently it can also be tempting to push people who would rather be left alone. I didn't ignore you; I deleted your message as I had no desire to talk to you. It was a conscious choice based on a previous meeting with you.


Rather than tell you that I found you to be rude and obnoxious, I felt that as a Christian, I owed you better than that. However, as it would seem that you neither agree nor consider the fact that girls may just decide to skip past you, fine. I'll talk.


I don't appreciate your attempt to guilt-trip me into a conversation. That is not what I have experienced from other Christians, and trying to make me out to be a bad person for not talking to you is completely immature.


Let me be very blunt: I do not owe you anything. I am seeking someone who is compatible with me. You are not. Thus, I deleted your message. Being a Christian on a dating site does not require me to respond to every single message that a Christian guy may send me.


To be perfectly honest, you have said that we ought to treat each other with the love of Christ. I agree, and wish that you had done this. You have not been respectful of my boundaries, and harassing me is not acceptable.


I would strongly suggest that you reassess your approach to women, as what you are doing now is obviously not working.


I have said my piece, and I hope that you are satisfied that you have received a response. Now I expect you to leave me be. If you persist in harassing me, I will report you.


Good day."

Tired of the BS,

~K

The Rom-Com Lie

Oh, those romantic comedies! They get you every time, don't they? I've noticed a trend in a lot of them. A fabulous girl has to make a choice between two guys. They're both sweet and care about her, but here are the major differences.

Alpha guy - Usually the guy she meets second in the storyline, he has a lot going for him. He's usually well-off financially, mature, handsome as can be, and over all a great catch.

Beta guy - Typically the first guy the girl meets. Beta will have some other-level connection with the heroine, such as neither can stand kalamata olives on their pizza or they both speak fluent Icelandic. This guy, however, doesn't really have as much going for him but he actually plays up this fact. "Do you really need a nice home with a white picket fence when you have my undying love? So what if I play WoW all night every night and live with my parents? Is that what love is truly about??"

For some reason, the girl always goes for Beta. In real life, the Beta is not the better guy. In real life, Alphas usually can offer just as much of a connection, but they can also keep up their own side of the bargain.

Another way to describe the differences: men vs. boys. All men start out as boys, but some boys grow up to become men. Others just stay overgrown boys their whole lives. And it's ok. Romantic comedies say so.

Waiting for an Alpha,

~K

My So-called Vacation

I blame the boy. What boy? The one that invited me a while back to spend this very week with him at a resort with him and his parents. Alas, things ended and now I have a week off from work and no ideas of what to do with it.

On top of that, I'm starting to come down with a cold. I need to be better by this weekend, though, since I'm going to three different Halloween parties.

Ugh. Next vacation I'm going somewhere amazing. Somewhere that has umbrellas in their drinks.

Your sniffly friend,

~K

Screw you, XOXO!

In a rather silly and premature attempt to get back into the dating world, I signed up a couple days ago on a dating website. Yesterday I received the following message from one of the male users:

"So its Fall already and a movie night with someone cute over cuddle is so on the cards! You are cute but how good are at cuddles?


Keeping its simpple if you fancy me how about a cooking experiment over a bottle of wine followed by a movie night on my 42 inches cuddled up on my couch."

Please excuse the poor grammar and bad spelling; I quoted.

So to make this more interesting, this guy had actually dated one of my close friends. He is a jerk and treated her like crap.

I immediately messaged said friend and gave her the details. Obviously, the best option would be to ignore him as he is not worthy of a response.

We didn't go with the best option. We went with the "you're a jerk and everyone knows it" option. This was my response:


"Hello,


Hmm, you certainly do seem to like cuddling. Perhaps you weren't held enough as a child? I hear that can cause development issues as children grow older.


That sounds like a lot of fun. Just one problem: after hearing how you treated a close friend of mine, I think you're a jackass and I would rather be impaled through my eyes than meet up with you.


XOXO!"

If I were a bit more southern, I suppose I would have thrown in a "bless your heart" somewhere, but it is what it is and I'm pretty darn proud.

XOXO,

~K

My kitchen smells of truffley mush

Dear readers, I know that you are all sad puppies when I am away, wondering when you will be reunited with your love. Well here I am!

Today I attempted to make truffle fries for the second time ever. They came out kinda mushy.

Not bad mushy, but not-fries mushy. Oh well, you live and you learn.

Do you remember that post a while back about the boy I dated and ended things with? Well, we got back together and ended things again. Sigh....

 I will be on a bit more I hope, so more stuff to come!

16 Guys Amended to 17: Guy #2

The time has come to tell the tale of Guy #2. He was my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first love.

D had been in my dorm's brother dorm the year before by sophomore year, so he knew most of the guys who came back. I met him in the cafeteria (yes, just like Cody) during lunch. My friend Megan and I sat down with one of our brother dormer Jeff. D was friends with Jeff, so he came and sat down as well. My first impression of D was that he was an obnoxious jerk. He found ways to make fun of me, but I felt that I countered well enough.

Upon leaving the cafeteria and parting from D, Megan told me that she thought that I would date D. I told her she was dumb.

After that day, D began eating lunch with our little group on a regular basis and began joining Megan, Jeff, and I in our biology class. D was not enrolled in this class, but he sat in anyway.

After a while it became somewhat apparent that he was sitting through a class he had already taken not because he enjoyed biology, but rather due to the fact that he liked passing notes with me. In case you were curious, my grade in this class was horrible.

The turning point was when D realized that there was competition for my affection, as Cody was not hiding his attraction. After going out with Cody and being utterly confused, I told both boys that I just wanted to be friends. D asked if he could speak to me in person concerning this decision. Against my better judgement, I agreed.

D picked me up, and we drove to an abandoned parking lot. With 3 Doors Down playing (as it always was in his car), D told me that while he would do his best to pretend to not have feelings for me, they would still be there. For some reason, I began crying. He kept lifting up my head to meet his eyes, and I kept pulling away. Finally, I let him lead my head up and held his gaze. He held my salty tear-strewn face and leaned in to kiss me.

That's where it began. I didn't understand what to do with my feelings, and I told him time and time again that we should be friends only to somehow find myself walking hand-in-hand or making out with him. We finally decided that we should be together, which thrilled me to no end.

Now there is so much more to tell in this story, but it has been told before. There are lies, betrayal, a xanga war, etc. The fact is that while I was broken at the time by everything that was done, it is in the distant past. My hope was and will always be that D becomes the type of man I knew he was capable of being.

XOXO,

~K

MIA again

Hello, beloved readers. Please believe me when I say that it has been difficult being away from here for so long. Unfortunately, my computer decided to go to an early grave and I cannot post properly from my new smart phone. It may be a while before I can properly update y'all on my life, but I hope it will be sooner rather than later.

To give a very brief overview that I hope to expand upon:

• I took a two week vacation, one week in Mexico
• I dated a wonderful boy, but as of yesterday "we" are no more
• I decided to leave the stone age, and swapped my flip phone for a Droid Pro

There you have it. Details will come, but I cannot promise a timeframe.

Take care and lots of love!

~K

16 Guys: Date #1

Thursday night my roomie and I went out to karaoke in Bellevue. It was an ok night with several really good singers. However, as often happens, I grew a bit tired and decided to make a note. I wrote down all of the guys I've ever gone out with, including just single dates. If I am correct (which I'm pretty sure I am since I racked my brain all evening), I have gone out with exactly 16 guys in my life. Yes, this is a tiny number, but keep in mind that I didn't date until college. So I've decided that I will (briefly) chronicle these guys for my adoring readers. They may occasionally be out of order, but I'm sure you'll be ok.

You're welcome!

My very first date was with a boy named Cody first semester of my sophomore year at college. He was in my dorm's brother dorm, and I remember the first day I met him. It was orientation week for freshmen and I was in hall leadership so I was there as well. There was a long line in the cafeteria for the soda machine, so when I reached the cups, I grabbed an extra one and passed it to the person behind me. Cody was surprised, smiled, and said thank you. I then went to sit down with a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, and had barely managed a spoonful before I was approached by said brother dormer. Grinning sheepishly, he came up to me and asked where I had found cereal. I pointed him in the right direction and went back to my Cheerios.

We saw each other often due to brother/sister dorm stuff, and at one point he asked me out. I was a bit perplexed since I really only saw him as a friend, and let him down gently.

A month or so went by and he kept up his attention to me, as did another boy (we'll get to him later). It was weird for me to have two different guys into me at the same time, so I got a bit flustered. However, Cody was a nice guy and he was kinda cute. So when he finally got up the nerve to ask me out again, I said yes.

He gave me a couple different options, but we ended up going out to eat and seeing a movie. It was a wonderful first date, and he was a complete gentleman. But my initial feeling for him held up; he was definitely the sort of guy that is better as a friend.

To wrap this up, Cody is now married to a lovely girl and is a youth pastor in Virginia.

I know I don't have a lot of dating experience, but every day is a new one and I have hope that I will find love somewhere and sometime in this world.

Goodnight!

~K

My dating life

Happy February, dear ones! It has been quite chilly lately, though I've heard it's worse on the other side of the country. If you are over there and reading this, you certainly have my sympathy.

Once again (or still), I am completely single. B and I were never in a relationship, so I can't say that I was ever taken, but once we started dating I was less on the market. Today Koko and I were discussing ways to meet guys and discussing whether online dating is now necessary or if one can still meet a good guy through friends.

Well, meeting guys through friends isn't always that easy. My social circle has decreased since moving back to Washington, and of those that I see on a regular basis, male friends hardly make an appearance.

There's also the fact that I have tried dating friends of friends. Neither time worked out, though it had nothing to do with my friends. The Double J's were both looking for other things; one wanted me as a rebound and the other was wanting to get physical faster than was comfortable.

To the people who want me to just live up being single, I say this to you: I have been single for 25 years (minus 5 months). I've enjoyed it, certainly. It's been just swell and peachy but I do want to be with someone. And I want that to happen soon.

To all my dear readers, I say this: I will seek out love, not in desperation or envy. If it gets to that, I will stop looking. I will seek love purely because I want to love and be loved. Wish me luck!

With love,

~K

It isn't all relative

So, as Stacia pointed out in her comment, I am still seeing B...or "Pond Cracker" as Koko calls him. What changed? I have no idea. I just know that I no longer see him in the same light as I do my relative.

We've gone out a few more times, and I'm really liking this one. Tomorrow I will be meeting some of his friends, so wish me luck!

In other news, I have once again noticed this strange dating phenomenon; whenever one guy is pursuing you, suddenly more come out of the woodwork. Last night I got a random text from a guy I had briefly dated in 2008 asking if I wanted to get together for drinks. Seriously? What the heck??

Confused once again,

~K

Dating Dilemma - Letting Him Down

I suppose that it was bound to happen eventually. A nice, fun guy is finally really into me, and I am not that into him.

I've gone out three times with B, and he really is a cool guy and I do enjoy being around him. With that said, I'm just not feeling the chemistry. Date #1 was conversation over drinks, then we headed over to karaoke. We even did a suicide round where he picked a song for me and I picked one for him. So enjoyable, but not really into him.

Date #2 was watching movies and TV at his place. It was nice enough, bantering over the finer points of South Park and catching the discrepancies in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Unfortunately, there was no spark on my end. He leaned in for a kiss, and wow...nothing.

Since he is such a cool guy, I wanted to try one last time. Date #3 we went out for dinner, walked around the mall for a bit while dinner digested, then went to see a movie. Once again, it was all quite pleasant. However (and this is a BIG however), at one point during the movie, I had kinda zoned out and just seeing him next to me thought that it was a male relative. The fact is, he reminds me of one of my relatives a bit too much. Kissing him at the end of the night was a bit uncomfortable, but I don't think he picked up on it.

I don't really enjoy being on either side of the "dumping" (though it's not really dumping since we aren't in a relationship). I've been hurt when guys have ended things, and I certainly don't want to add to the number of wounded hearts in this world. At this point, I'm not sure how to end things in a kind and caring manner. I don't want to lead him on at all, and I know he wasn't looking for new friends.

Sigh. Does dating ever get easier?

Your favorite dating disaster,

~K